this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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