Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
