I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
