Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
