Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
