i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She's the barista slut.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
