And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
