i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
