Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
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