Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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