Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
