I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
