I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
