if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
