What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
