SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
