im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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