don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
