when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
