Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
