So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
