I have demons in me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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