wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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