he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
