goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
