Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I need to calm my uterus...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
