is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
