Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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