I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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