i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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