Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
