did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
