dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
