sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
