I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
