When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
