Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
