Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
