and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
