You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
