Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
