No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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