if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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