I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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