he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
