I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
