i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
