My boss' voice literally gives me gas
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
