Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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