Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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