you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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