Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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