ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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