just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
