Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
