what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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