i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
