U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
