who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
