If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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