he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
