You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I seem to have left my pride at pride
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
