My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
