Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
