if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My vagina just clenched in fear
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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