so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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