ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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