thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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