I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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