All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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