I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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