And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
