Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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