im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
