I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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