How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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