Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
