no, he came in my armpit
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
