hotel room ftw
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize